


Heartmend Hotel

by Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me



Series: Destiel Feels [20]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Anal Sex, Arguing, Drama & Romance, Flashbacks, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Hotel Sex, Idiots in Love, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Men Crying, Mentions of Cancer, Oral Sex, Past Character Death, Plans For The Future, Romantic Comedy, Sneaky Bastards, Time Skips, True Love, Voyeurism, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:27:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26050384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me/pseuds/Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me
Summary: Life is never easy. Castiel should know that by now. He has lost enough, struggled enough, worked hard enough to build and run a successful hotel chain to know that everything comes at a cost ... so, what will it cost him to rekindle his romance with Dean Winchester? The man was his first love, and now he is a guest in his hotel; and it makes Castiel wonder ... could Dean ever bemoreagain?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Destiel Feels [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/218576
Comments: 15
Kudos: 136





	Heartmend Hotel

**Author's Note:**

> It may be _my_ birthday-- but I wanted to give a gift to all of you. Thank you for reading my stories. It means more to me than you could ever know.
> 
>   
> 

This was supposed to be simple.

All Castiel wanted to do was leave a note on the man’s pillow with a few extra chocolates. A simple surprise with a simple “hello”, letting him know that Cas is _here_ and thinking about him. That was the plan—not all this! Not hiding in the closet of Dean’s hotel room like some sort of psychopath. Cas lays his head against the back of the closet wall. _This has gone too far_. Enough is enough. “I can’t believe I let Claire talk me into this” he mouths as he listens to the sounds coming from the other side of the thin wood door.

But Castiel was barely inside the room when he heard Dean’s keycard beep to let the man in, so he panicked and jumped inside the coat closet, praying to God that he hid away before Dean walked in and saw him.

“Dammit, Claire!” he says silently to the wood hangers, worried that _he’ll_ be the one hanging by then end of this.

***

**Two Days Earlier**

***

“Hey, Cas? How do I charge a stupid credit card again?”

Castiel looks up from his computer over to his adopted daughter, Claire. She just started working at his hotel and it was obvious to him, as well as the rest of the staff, that she’d rather be _anywhere_ else. “I showed you this earlier, Claire—remember? Click on _input payment_ …”

Claire rolls her eyes as she begins following Cas’s steps for the second time today. “Well, you were going too fast the first time. I couldn’t follow.”

“I was speaking at a perfectly normal, instructive pace” Cas drones before looking up to smile apologetically at the guest waiting on the other side of the counter. “One moment, Miss. She’s a new employee. This is only her second day.” The woman smiles back but doesn’t respond, she just raps her fingers against the side of her leather Coach wallet as she waits to for Claire to finish with her credit card.

After what seems like an impossibly long minute, Claire got through the charge form and finally finishes the check-in. Castiel went ahead and programmed the woman’s room key to save time, not wanting her to wait any longer than she already has. “You will be staying in room 398, mam. Simply head down the hall to your left to get to the elevators, and then scan your room key to gain accesses to the third floor.”

The woman remains silent as she takes the keycard, but she nods graciously enough before turning to head down the hallway and out of sight.

Castiel sighs and then faces Claire once more—who is already back on her phone scrolling through Instagram. “ _Claire_ ” he says sternly.

The girl doesn’t look up as she mutters “Huh?” and continues to scroll.

With a groan, he snatches her phone away and sets it face down on the counter beside them.

“Hey!” the girl snaps.

“ _Claire_ ” he says again with even more force, “you are at work. You need to pay attention—even when guests _aren’t_ standing right in front of you.”

“What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that this is our livelihood; and I gave you this job so you could gain work and life experience, but not at my expense. Take this job seriously, or you can earn your extra money by cooking burgers at McDonalds.”

The teen narrows her eyes at him before throwing her hands up in defeat. “Fine! Sorry—I’ll just stare at the front doors then.”

“Good. And while you’re at it, look over that check-in form some more. I want you to do it by yourself with the next guest.”

“ _Whatever_.”

Castiel stands there another second, looking at the side of the girl’s blonde head, wishing he could just crawl inside it sometimes and figure out what exactly is going on in there. He loves her—more than anything in this world, but she certainly has a knack for tapdancing all over his last nerve.

She’s only been with him for the past two years, but he feels like it’s been forever; after all, he has technically _known_ her her whole life. His old business partner, Jimmy would always bring her to the hotel when she was growing up. He was a single dad—a widower, and one of the kindest men Castiel had ever known. They met in college during their Freshman Intro to Business course, and thanks to a mid-term group project, they quickly realized just how well they work together. Jimmy was the people-person and Cas had a mind for numbers. Fast forward a few years to them pitching their idea for a new luxury hotel chain to some investors, and the rest was history.

Eventually, Castiel makes his way back to his office—plopping down behind his computer while dragging an exhausted hand over his face. The picture frames on his desk catch his eye—each one, a notch in the timeline of his life. One of him in his cap and gown standing between his parents, beside that—a photo of him and Jimmy, posing in front of the first hotel they opened in Portland. Then there was the picture of the two of them, both in tuxes, standing at the end of the aisle on Jimmy’s wedding day. He was Jimmy’s best man, and he knows that Jimmy would’ve been _his_ if he were still alive … and if Castiel ever actually found someone he could settle down with.

He sighs, finally looking over to the last photo on his desk—the one that he took himself, an awkward shot where Cas was barely in-frame, standing behind Jimmy as the man sat in a chair holding his newborn daughter, Claire. If Cas looks closely enough, he can see a tear running down Jimmy’s smiling cheek. The man loved that little girl with his whole heart, and Claire still loves her dad. She has already been through so much in her short sixteen years, it’s no wonder she can have an attitude sometimes. Castiel begins to feel the guilt roil in his gut. _Maybe he was too hard on her just now_. She lost her mom to cancer; she lost her dad in a car accident—and now she’s stuck with _him_ … an emotionally stunted gay man who’s so afraid of being vulnerable that he throws himself head-first into his job every single second of every single day just to avoid connecting with another human being. _Poor girl._ He needs to take it easier on her.

“Claire …” he mumbles from his office, getting up quickly to head back out to the front desk so he can apologize. “Claire, I’m sorr—”

He stops dead in his tracks at the sight of him. Tall, toned—a little older now, but just as ruggedly handsome as ever. Castiel can’t breathe. “Dean?” he wheezes, finally jumping back into his office to stay out of sight.

“Okay, Mr. Winchester. One moment while I get you checked in” he hears Claire say in a forced-sweet tone, and Cas leans towards the door hinge, hoping that he’ll be able to hear Dean respond.

“Take your time” the man says coolly, and the depth of his voice shoots through Castiel the exact same way it did back in college, giving him goosebumps all up and down his arms while making his knees shake.

“ _Um_ , can you show me how to do this again?” Claire calls out, obviously aware that Cas is lurking and listening nearby; but he can’t bring himself to answer her, none the less, _go out there_ and show himself. “Ca—oh, wait, never mind! I got it.”

Castiel nearly collapses with relief that the girl didn’t say his name. More than likely, Dean wouldn’t have caught on that the “Cas” she was talking to was the very same “Cas” that was Dean’s roommate sophomore year, the same “Cas” that drunkenly professed his crush on Dean only three weeks into living together. The same “Cas” that gave his virginity over after one of their patented late-night talks. The very same “Cas” that ended things after only a year of dating because he apparently needed to “focus on his future.” The same “Cas” that obviously broke Dean’s heart that night, and regretted it every day since. Dean couldn’t possibly make all those connections from Claire simply saying his name, but Castiel didn’t want to chance it.

“Alright, Mr. Winchester. You’re in room 125, which is on this floor. You just need to go down that hallway and take a right.”

Castiel smiles to himself—knowing that when Dean initially reserved the room online, he probably _requested_ the first floor since he’s deathly afraid of heights. He hated his and Cas’s old dorm room for being on the third level of their five-story building; and Cas spent many nights holding him close and telling him that everything was okay and he was safe. Some nights, that was the only way Dean could fall asleep.

“Thanks, I appreciate the help—and you’re doing great by the way.”

“What?” Claire asks, an obvious confusion in her voice.

“It’s your first day, right?” Dean says, and Castiel’s smile deepens. Dean never missed a chance to build someone up—it was one of the things he liked most about the man.

“Oh, _um_ … second day, actually.”

“Well, you’re doing great. Keep it up.”

“Thanks” Claire chuckles lightly, and Cas listens to Dean’s footsteps start to fade across the tile until they disappear down the hall. He waits one more beat before finally emerging from his office to look out at Claire as she stands by her computer. She’s gazing down the hall after Dean, still smiling and Castiel melts at the sight of it. _He doesn’t get to see her smile enough._

With a long breath, he eventually clears his throat, and it snaps the girl’s attention back to him. “Good job, Claire. I knew you would get the hang of it eventually.”

Claire nods as she bites her lip, now looking slightly confused for some reason. “Yeah—yeah, thanks. Hey, did you see that guy?”

Castiel feels his face go white. “ _Um_ —n-no. Why?”

“He looked kinda familiar, but I can’t figure out why” she says, glancing once more over her shoulder at the hallway. “And his name seems kinda familiar too. _Dean Winchester_. I feel like I’ve heard it before.” The girl finally turns back at Cas, and it’s apparent that she can see the man has stopped breathing. “Cas?” she asks, seeming a bit concerned now.

Castiel swallows thickly. “ _Um_ …”

“Do you know him?”

“ _Uh_ …”

“Wait …” Claire hums, stepping closer and looking her adopted father up and down, and the truth may as well be written all over his face. “That was _that guy!_ ”

“What guy?” Castiel chokes, a pathetic attempt at ignorance.

“The guy in that photo that you have at home! The one with you and my dad in the dorm room! My dad was sitting at a desk, and you and that guy were sitting on the bed! Oh my God! He’s your ex isn’t he?”

Castiel’s chest feels like it’s been filled with lead. This girl can’t remember three simple steps on a checkout form, but she somehow remembers an obscure photograph hanging amongst a dozen others on Castiel’s living room wall? “ _How_ … how do you know that?”

Claire grins victoriously, but then her smile falters. “My dad—he _uh_ , he always told me stories about when you guys were in college. They were usually pretty dumb, but they always made him laugh so … ya know, they made _me_ laugh.”

His heart breaks with the drop of the girl’s eyes, and he can’t help but rush over and collect her in a hug. She groans and quickly squirms away again.

“Jeez—I’m fine! I’m not gonna cry or anything” she says, but there’s a small laugh in her voice. She appreciates how much Cas cares, they both know it.

“Okay, okay— I’m sorry” Castiel chuckles, taking one step back before leaning up against the counter. “I just know you miss him. I miss him too.”

Claire nods, but then that wry smile returns to her face. “And what about _Mr. Long-Lost-College-Lover_? _Do you_ _miss_ _him too_?”

Castiel shifts awkwardly as he shrugs. “ _Uh_ , no. I mean—I haven’t really thought about him since college.”

“You sure about that? My dad said you two were pretty hot and heavy back then. He said there were times when he wouldn’t see you for days, and then you’d finally show up to class looking all loopy, and you always had a big goofy smile on your face.”

Castiel’s cheeks begin to burn. “Jimmy told you all that?”

Claire laughs. “Oh yeah. Dad said that that guy was just your roommate in the beginning, but Dad knew—probably before you two did, that there was much more between you guys.”

“Dammit, Jimmy” Castiel grumbles under his breath. The man never could keep things to himself.

“Oh c’mon, Cas! Don’t be embarrassed! It was a cute story—and now that I’ve seen the guy, I don’t blame you. The dude is hot!”

“Claire! That’s a guest you’re talking about! It’s very unprofessional to comment on his looks. Not to mention, inappropriate at your age.”

The teenager seems not at all affected by this as she leans in closer to her adopted dad. “Unprofessional or not, he’s sexy, and I think you _have_ thought about him since college. In fact, I _know_ you have. My dad said that Dean was _the one that got away_. He never understood why you two broke up.”

“I—well—sophomore year was ending and we were getting new roommates anyway, and I needed to focus on my career, on building this business with your dad and … you know what, _no!_ I am not going to talk about this with you. It’s inappropriate and we both need to get back to work.” Castiel flares his nostrils with conviction before spinning on his heel to march back into his office; but the girl is right on his tail.

“Oh, c’mon Cas! Admit it! You still think about him!”

“Get back to work, Claire.”

“He’s here! He’s right here in your hotel! This is your chance!”

Castiel sits behind his desk and closes his eyes for a moment. “What are you talking about?”

Claire groans before taking a seat in the chair across from him. “This is your chance to see if there are still any feelings between you two!”

“There aren’t. It was nearly twenty years ago. He probably doesn’t even remember me” Castiel mutters, turning quickly to his computer screen and pretending to look busy.

But Claire isn’t buying it. “I bet he does. According to my dad, you guys were always all over each other; and he also said that when you weren’t around, Dean could _not_ shut up about you.”

“What?” Castiel croaks, looking back at the girl now—giving her his full attention. “What are you talking about? Your dad and Dean never really spent time together, not without _me_ anyway.”

Claire sits back, a smug look now dancing across her face. “ _Um_ — _yeah_ , they did. Dad said that he and Dean were actually starting to be friends right before you two broke up. You had some evening class or something, so he said that he and Dean would sometimes hang out and play pool and stuff.”

Castiel never knew any of this. He always thought that when Jimmy wasn’t hanging out with _him_ , he was off trying to woo Amelia, the dorm RA who he had been obsessed with since the first day of their freshman year. The man was always planning some new way to run into her—plans that obviously worked out in the end since the two ended up getting married right after college, and then they had Claire not too long after that. Cas never realized that Jimmy spent any spare moment doing anything else, none the less, _hanging out with Dean_. “I—I didn’t know … I wasn’t aware that Jimmy spoke to him without me around.”

Claire just shrugs as she looks around the office. “Well, you probably didn’t want to talk about Dean after you dumped him, so Dad didn’t bring him up.”

She’s probably right. Jimmy wouldn’t have wanted to make Cas feel awkward by admitting that he and Dean were friends; and now Cas can’t help but feel awful for accidentally making the man break off that friendship.

“So,” Claire says after another moment, “what are you gonna do about it?”

“About what?” Cas asks honestly, still lost in his memories of his best friend and ex-boyfriend.

“About the Winchester guy! Now’s your chance to get him back!”

“I don’t … he’s not mine to _get_ , Claire.”

“He could be! I didn’t see a ring on his finger.”

Castiel raises an eyebrow at the girl. “You were inspecting his hand for wedding rings?”

Claire shrugs again. “What? Like I said—he was hot. I wanted to see if he was single.”

“Claire! He is over twice your age! You shouldn’t be thinking about men like that … you shouldn’t be thinking about men at all!”

The girl laughs as she rolls her eyes, finally standing up after another moment so she can lean across the desk and stare Castiel dead in the face. “Relax, Cas. I’m not looking to snag me a sugar-daddy or anything. I was just noting the fact that an attractive guy was single. No harm done.”

“A lot of harm! I should honor your father’s wishes and put you in a convent.”

“I don’t think those were my dad’s wishes, Cas.”

“Fine— _my wishes._ You shouldn’t even know that men exist. We’re disgusting people. You don’t want us around. Trust me.”

“ _Uh_ _huh_ —yeah, whatever. So, I was thinking, you should send Dean a complimentary spa treatment or something.”

“ _What?_ No!” Castiel stammers, wondering how this conversation ever got this far. “No, he’s a guest. We are going to leave him alone, let him enjoy his stay and move on.”

The girl doesn’t waiver though. “Do you think he’d like a massage or a facial more? He’s obviously gay, but he kinda seems like the macho-type, so maybe nothing too girly, right?”

Castiel can’t help but snort with a laugh. “Dean Winchester is _far_ from macho.”

“ _Really?_ ” Claire snickers. “Is he one of those closet-softies? He pretends to be all rough around the edges but he really just wants to cuddle and have someone take care of him?”

Castiel smiles in spite of himself, thinking that there couldn’t be a more _apt_ description of Dean Winchester; but he quickly shakes it off because he cannot be encouraging this girl. “No—now get back to work. We are done talking about this.”

“Fine, fine … I’ll drop it, but when he checks out and you realize you missed your chance, don’t come cryin’ to me.”

Castiel just waives her off as she backs out of his office, but the pain in his chest remains long after her and her words have faded from the room.

“Dean Winchester …” he finally whispers to himself. “Dean Winchester is in my hotel.”

***

**The Next Day**

***

His office phone rings and he looks at the caller ID, seeing that it was the Wellness Center's back office number. Cas furrows his brow. There are several departments in his hotel that call him often to go over things, but the Wellness Center is _not_ one of them. They’re pretty self-sufficient, which he appreciates because when it comes to self-care, Cas is clueless. He answers the call after the second ring. “Hello? This is Castiel Novak.”

“Hi, Mr. Novak sir. It’s Kelsey—from the spa. _Um_ , I have a question about this treatment you approved.”

The creases in Cas’s forehead deepen. “Treatment? What are you talking about?”

“ _Umm_ …” Kelsey sounds nervous now. She is an awesome manager but is very gentle overall, not to mention, a very soft-spoken young woman. It’s great for her clients who are seeking quiet relaxation—not so much for _command_ and _authority_. “We have a guest down here, Dean Winchester? Room 125. He has this note that was apparently slipped under the door of his room. _You_ , I guess—comped him a full spa treatment? I just wanted to confirm it with you. I mean, it’s on your letterhead and all, but it’s not the standard procedure, so I wasn’t sure.”

Cas’s mouth is hanging open, utterly shocked by what he’s hearing. _Dammit. Claire!_ How could she do this? He told her to drop it! Now, not only did she get involved, she’s trying to saddle the hotel with nearly $600 in spa treatments! He could tell Kelsey that he didn’t approve any of this, that the note was forged and nobody is getting _free-anything_ ; however, that would only reflect poorly on Dean, who is innocent in all this. And if the treatment _was_ rejected, Dean very well may come back to the front desk and demand an explanation—an explanation that the man in charge would be forced to give, and that man is Castiel.

_He can’t do that!_

He can’t face Dean after nearly twenty years and explain to him that his adopted daughter is trying to play cupid. It’s too much, and too embarrassing! He stays silent for another beat, considering all his less-than-desirable options, finally figuring that it is better just to absorb the cost of the treatment and let Dean think he is getting lucky with this freebee rather than suffer such an unfavorable run-in with the man. Cas will talk to Claire about this soon enough, but in the meantime, he will just have to go with the flow. “Oh, yes—well, it was a last-minute offer. Mr. Winchester is approved for a full treatment, so go ahead and push it through; and when you’re going to charge it all, just charge it to _my_ account.”

The pause on the other end of the line is riddled with questions, Cas can tell—but thankfully, Kelsey doesn’t ask them. “Oh … _um_ , okay, sir. Thank you. I will give Mr. Winchester the works. Thank you, sir.”

“Thank you for checking with me, Kelsey. Goodbye.” And Castiel hangs up before the girl has a chance to say it back. “ _Claire!_ ” he’s hollering immediately, and it takes the girl a moment to shuffle into the room.

Her big blue eyes are pleading with him to go easy on her, and she’s giving him that puppy-look that will surely win him over in time, but at the moment, he’s too furious to waver. “Yeah, Cas?”

He stands up slowly from his desk, looking down at the wood surface so he can maintain himself. He doesn’t want to blow up and scare the girl, but she needs to understand just how far over the line she went. “I told you to drop this. I told you that it was inappropriate and you had to leave it alone.”

“I know, but _Cas_ …”

“I’m not done, Claire!” Castiel takes a deep breath. He doesn’t want to yell. _He’s not a yeller._ “You need to understand … you didn’t just cost the hotel money with this little stunt you pulled; you could have also cost someone their job.” He looks up to take note of Claire’s face, and her look of surprise makes him feel just a _little_ better. She didn’t know how bad this could be. She’s young and naïve, and this will be a lesson for her to carry into her future. Cas sighs. “If Kelsey—the spa manager, hadn’t called me to confirm your little note, she could have approved services that would have no valid explanation. From my point of view, it would look like she was simply _giving_ _away_ hotel resources, and that’s immediate grounds for termination. And if that wasn’t bad enough, _you_ —coming into my office and stealing my stationary? Impersonating me through a note and offering up company goods like they’re yours to give? That’s not okay, Claire! If you were anyone else, anyone else at all, you would not only be fired, but I would be pressing charges. I know what you were trying to do, but this is a business. This is the real world and good intentions rarely go hand-in-hand with professional policy.”

Claire sniffles, but she keeps a tight upper lip, seeming determined not to cry in front of Cas and make herself seem weak. “I—I’m sorry. I wasn’t really thinking about all that. I just heard Dean talking about you and I got so excited, I—”

Castiel shoots upright. “Wait—what do you mean? When did you hear him talking about me?”

Claire half rolls her eyes before stepping over to sit back down in the chair she had occupied just the day before. She clears her throat as she tries to compose herself around her guilt “He came out into the lobby this morning. He was on his phone, talking to someone named Sam.”

Castiel sits down as well, a bit bowled over now. Sam is Dean’s little brother. Dean talked about him all the time. It killed the man being away at college while Sam was still in high school. They saw each other during the holidays and the weekends that Dean would make the long drive back home; but Cas always thought that if Dean had it his way, Sam would have been living in that dorm room with them.

“He was walking across to the restaurant for breakfast, and I heard him say ‘Yeah, Sam … this is Cas’s hotel.’ I almost screamed! I mean, I didn’t hear the rest because he was walking fast … he seemed really pumped to get to breakfast, but he definitely said your name. I mean, he still remembers you! And he _obviously_ still thinks about you!”

Castiel feels like his brain has been switched over to TV static. Nothing is clear anymore and there’s a ringing in his ears. “I … _uh_ …”

Claire starts to laugh, but soon, her face sobers again. “But … I am _really_ sorry though, Cas. I didn’t mean to cause so many problems. And as for the spa treatments, you can take it outta my pay. I should’ve realized that those wouldn’t be free.”

“Oh, _uh_ —right.” Castiel clears his throat as he tries to recollect his seriousness. There was a lesson he was teaching here, right before his world got completely flipped over with the news that Dean Winchester, his old roommate, not to mention, the only man he has ever loved, still thinks about him enough to call his brother with updates. Not only _thinks_ about him, but _knows_ about him. Dean knows that Cas owns a chain of hotels—or at least, _this hotel_ , which means that in some way, he has followed along with Castiel’s life after they broke up. Dean Winchester, that green eyed sculpted man who could eat himself into a coma yet, still look like he stepped out of the pages of fitness magazine … that man who could get into a million fist fights while still wanting someone to stroke his hair as he fell asleep at night. That man who could be _so_ goofy and immature, Cas wondered how he ever passed the second grade, yet he could still turn around and quote Tolstoy and Maya Angelou and make some of those most deep, thoughtful comments on life and love and politics … _that man_ that Cas had his chance with and then messed it all up because he got too scared of his own heart … _that man still thinks about him_. Castiel feels the warmth of that news surround him like a bath, and it instantly relaxes all the tension that was exploding out of his body only a moment ago. It’s a dim hum, in the back of his mind. Melodic and smooth. Gentle and kind. It is the best he’s felt in long, long time.

He looks back at Claire who is blinking at him pathetically, awaiting her punishment for the mistake she made, and Cas knows that she still deserves one, but part of him wants to forget it all and just wrap the girl in a hug; but he steels himself and moves along—knowing that right now, he needs to be the parent that Jimmy would want him to be.

“Yes, well. I _will_ be deducting the cost of the spa treatments from your pay over the next few weeks. And when we get back home, you are grounded. No TV. No internet, and I will be keeping your phone when you’re not at school.”

Claire groans a little, but she doesn’t argue. “Okay—fine. For how long though?”

Cas sighs. “A month. And I also want you to help out the janitorial staff every Thursday afternoon. They have to get through a lot of laundry before the weekend rush, and I am sure they could use an extra set of hands to fold towels and sheets.”

“ _Ugh_ , seriously?” Claire complains, unable to hide her teen angst any longer.

“Yes, _seriously_. This is a serious matter after all. And from this moment on, you are no longer allowed to get involved with anything having to do with Dean Winchester, understood?”

“Well—will _you_ get involved at least?”

Castiel gulps on the thought. “W-what?”

Claire sits back in her seat as she smiles at him. “Now that you know he still thinks about you, will you get involved? I mean, the guy knows that this is one of your hotels. He may not know that you are actually _here_ working at this one, but it might be a nice surprise to run into him again.”

Castiel’s heart and stomach flutter around each other—imagining for a moment what that might look like. Bumping into Dean ‘accidentally’ on his way through the lobby … conveniently dropping off towels to his room. Serving him a complimentary bottle of wine wearing his best shirt and a smile that will hopefully erase all the years that he let pass them by. Cas ponders it a moment, but then the doubt begins to wriggle in. _What if Dean wasn’t commenting positively about staying in one of Cas’s hotels? What if he was calling his brother in a panic, realizing too late that he booked a room owned by the monster who destroyed his heart?_ Context is everything, and Cas can’t trust a sixteen-year-old girl to read between the lines of a split-second comment. “I don’t think so, Claire. Things didn’t end … _amicably_ between the two of us. His remark about this being my hotel could have meant anything. We can’t even be sure that he meant it in a good way.”

Claire is glaring at him now. “He was smiling when he said it.”

Cas’s eyes go wide. “He was?”

The girl grins at him. “Yup. He was smiling super big. I’m pretty sure he was happy about it. If he wasn’t, he could’ve checked out early or something, but _he’s still here_.”

Castiel nods slowly, _she could be right_. “No— _no!_ ” He can’t let himself become some sort of stalker. “I’m not going to interrupt his stay. If I run into him, then I run into him. We’ll let fate decide that one. Otherwise, we are going to leave him alone. Understood?”

With a disgruntled sigh, the girl hoists herself from her seat. “Fine—have it your way, man. I’m just gonna go back to the front desk and wait for your ‘one-that-got-away’ to check out and get away all over again; but come Monday when you realize you missed your chance, I hope you can live with it.”

Castiel narrows his eyes at the girl as she leaves his office, but as soon as she does, his face sags with remorse. Again, she could be right. This might be Castiel’s only chance to see if there are any good feelings still there. If there aren’t—if Dean really does hate him for how Cas ended their relationship, then he’ll be gone by Monday anyway and things will just go back to the way they were before; but if Dean _doesn’t_ hate him …

Castiel spends the next hour thinking about it, getting absolutely nothing done and not minding it one bit.

***

**An Hour and a Half Later**

***

He spends far too much time with Claire because it seems that her teenage-blind/dumb-optimism is rubbing off on him. Or perhaps, it’s not her age, it’s just genetics since Jimmy had that very same blind/dumb optimism his entire life. Either way, without their influence, Cas knows that he would not be standing outside of the Wellness Center right now, staring longingly through the small window at the back entrance.

He and Jimmy had specifically built their hotels with an entire network of interior hallways strictly for staff to move around. It was a way for the workers to go about their business without disturbing guests—Jimmy got the idea after taking Amelia to Disneyland for their honeymoon. The park was built with that same concept: hide the inner-workings to preserve the magic. So Jimmy proposed that he and Cas do the same, and it proved very successful since their chain of hotels are now considered some of the most relaxing on the west coast. Jimmy was always so in-tune with the human mind, whereas Cas often felt like he could be a different species altogether. He didn’t understand people; but after Jimmy died, he found he was forced to try. Thankfully, Claire coming into his home has helped a lot. If there was ever a crash course in human socialization, living with a teenager would be it; but the other side of the coin proved to have consequences, like talking oneself into making rash, idiotic decisions.

He didn’t know what he was expecting by coming here. Maybe it was to just get a glimpse of the man—or maybe he wanted to give fate a gentle nudge; either way, he’s a bundle of nerves now, and the longer he stands here, the worse they get.

Suddenly, the door jumps open, and Castiel has to jump back to avoid getting hit by it.

“Oh! Mr. Novak! I’m so sorry, sir. I didn’t realize you were standing there.” Kelsey is beat-red and looks even more nervous than Castiel feels; which he thinks is a near-impossible feat.

“Uh—no worries, Kelsey. No harm done.” He clears his throat as he straightens his sleeve, trying to give off an air of professional-composure that will somehow counter the exact opposite of his reality right now. “I just came by to check in on that guest—ensure that his complimentary treatments are going smoothly.”

His words give Kelsey some notable pause, but she nods all the same. “Oh, yes sir. He’s getting a massage as we speak. He already had the facial and the pedicure, and he’ll be getting the mud bath next.”

Castiel bobs his head stiffly, trying not to let the thought of Dean naked on a table make him shake. “Good, very good. And uh … which room is he in now?” He’s not sure why he asked, and he certainly has no good, _professional_ reason to be asking it, but he hopes that Kelsey won’t think about that.

But the young woman seems even more hesitant now. “Oh, well … uh … he’s in suite three, sir. Magda should be just about finished with him. Is there a problem? Do you want me to go check for you?”

Castiel’s eyes go wide. “No! I _uh_ —no. No problems, I just need to … I will just go pop my head in if that’s alright … just to ensure that everything is as it should be.” The words seem to be forming in his mouth on their own, needing neither his brain nor his common sense for the slightest bit of direction; yet, Castiel’s heart is objecting in his chest, thrashing against this impromptu plan, which inevitably causes his hands shake in spite his best efforts to keep them still. He quickly puts them behind his back so Kelsey won’t see.

“Oh, okay. Right—of course. Just _uh_ , let me know if you need anything, sir.” She steps aside and pulls the door open for him, avoiding his eyes as he begins to move past her.

Castiel nods. “Thank you, Kelsey. I will.” And then he speeds on through, quickly moving around the desk and down the short hallway to the staff door just outside suite three. He takes one short breath and then opens it up, startling Magda as she washes her hands at the back of the small room. Just like the interior hallways, all the suites and guest service-areas have attached staff rooms where materials and necessities can be kept. Each of the spa suites have a room filled with towels and candles and oils, as well as a small sink and prep station for the masseurs and other professionals to prep for their clients. Castiel figured that this would be the safest place for him to do— _whatever the hell it was that he’s doing,_ because at least in here, Dean can’t actually see him.

“Mr. Novak?” Magda whispers, cocking her head slightly as she wonders at him.

“Hello, Magda” he whispers back, realizing all at once that Dean might still be able to _hear_ _him_ in here, and he begins to panic even more. “ _Um_ … apologies for startling you. I—I was just coming to check on our guest. I— _uh_ , I assume his massage went well?”

Magda glares at him, obviously not as intimidated by her boss as Kelsey is. The woman is older than Castiel after all, and she’s a brawny thing, thin—yet has enough muscle that she could easily take down a full-grown man half her age and double her height without a second thought. Castiel doesn’t sway her, and his random appearance here reeks of ulterior motives, and her nostrils seem to be flaring because of it. “He’s fine, sir.”

Castiel bites his lip and nods nervously, looking around the small room now before straightening out a stack of towels that was already straight to begin with. “Good. Very good. Thank you for taking such good care of our guests, Magda. You’re a—a very valuable employee.”

The woman raises an eyebrow as she slowly bobs her head. “ _Uh huh_. Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?”

“No—nope” Castiel hums, still busying himself with the towels, making them look worse.

With a sigh, Magda finally gives in—probably knowing that she can’t just _ask_ her boss to leave, but having enough respect for herself not to stand idly by and deteriorate within all this awkwardness. “Right, well. I’m just going to step out for a moment. I’ll be right back, sir.”

“Oh, of course. Yes. Thank you again, Magda” Castiel says, swiftly moving aside to make enough room for her to pass.

“ _Yeah … no problem_ ” she mutters flatly as she bustles out the door.

Once it shuts again, Castiel nearly collapses. He is acting like an absolute fool, and if he wasn’t the boss, he knows he wouldn’t be getting away with it. He supposes these are the perks of being in charge, but they aren’t perks he ever thought he’d stoop low enough to use.

“Ooo, oh _fuck_.”

Castiel’s breath catches in his throat, because he has heard that voice use those exact words before. Suddenly, the images of a young Dean lying naked beneath him are flooding his mind. His freckled skin gleaming with sweat; his eyes closed and his mouth open, cursing and moaning as Castiel pushes inside him.

“Damn, that felt good. _Whew_!” Dean’s words are slightly muffled by the door leading into the suite, but it’s still close and clear enough to make Castiel’s knees quake.

With one hand on the counter to brace himself, Cas finally works up the courage to move the few feet towards the door, finally cracking the swinging door the tiniest bit to see the man inside. And there he is, standing upright— _naked_ , stretching and shaking out his newly loosened muscles. He is tanner than he used to be, a little chubbier too, but still in great shape for a man his age. However, the biggest change is the rugged angles of his face. Before, he was an adorable, sexy young man—soft edges and smooth skin, with barely a hair on his lip. But now, it seems like time only did the man favors, and Castiel is both impressed and envious. As _he_ grew older, he developed more lines on his face and bags under his eyes; yet, _Dean_ seems to have made a deal with the Devil himself, because any extra line that he might have, only accentuates his appeal

“Oh my …” Castiel breathes, feeling his pants begin to tighten.

“Mr. Novak?”

Castiel stumbles backwards, accidently knocking over several bottles of massage oil in his fluster. “Oh, oh no!” he stammers, knowing that there is no way Dean _didn’t_ hear all that.

Magda wastes no time in rushing over, helping to steady Cas on his feet before bending down to pick up his mess. “Are you alright, sir?”

Castiel’s eyes are wide. His heart is in his throat and he feels like he could both vomit and faint all at once. “I’m sorry” he rasps, still trying to whisper, but he barely has any breath left in his lungs. “I’m so, so sorry.” He quickly picks up one of the bottles and hands it to Magda before shuffling past her and bolting out the door.

 _What am I doing?_ The thought plays on a loop in his mind as he hurries through the spa lobby and back into the service hall. He blew past Kelsey so fast, he barely registered her asking him if he was okay. He just needed to get out of there. Get out of there before Dean had a chance to get dressed and ask what the hell was going on. He probably will ask—but all Cas can do now is hope that neither Magda nor Kelsey give the man any details, because if they do, Dean will know that not only is the guy who runs this hotel his ex-boyfriend, but he’s also a creepy, voyeuristic nut job who spies on his guests.

***

**That Evening**

*******

Claire is sitting on the couch doing her math homework while Cas is in the kitchen cleaning the last pot from dinner. The house is quiet but his mind is still screaming at him. He tries to forget just how stupid he was by going to that spa, but it’s no use; yet, in spite of all his foolishness, there is still a part of his mind saying _what if?_ And that part seems to be screaming the loudest of all.

“Hey, Claire …” he asks, finally glancing over his shoulder to where the girl is sitting.

“Yeah?” she says, not looking up from her textbook.

“If I were to … _accidentally_ … bump into Dean, what do you think would be the best way to do it?”

***

**The Next Morning**

***

“Remember, be in the restaurant by seven forty-five.”

“Yes, yes—I know.”

Claire is staring at him from the passenger seat. He can feel her eyes burrowing into the side of his skull and it’s only making sweat bead at the base of his neck.

“Stop staring at me.”

Claire laughs. “Sorry! I can’t help it! I’m just so excited for you to finally get some action!”

“Claire!” Castiel gasps. “You do not need to be worrying about my _action_ —or anyone else’s. _No action!_ Understood?”

Claire can only giggle some more.

“Besides—bumping into him over a plate of bacon is hardly the makings of an intimate relationship.”

“I dunno, dude. Judging by how much you said this guy loves to eat, _you_ plus a plate of bacon might just be enough for a marriage proposal.”

Castiel scoffs. “You have quite the imagination.”

“I’m serious, Cas. He’s attractive, but you’re not so bad yourself. For an old guy, you got it going on. I think there would be a line of dudes who’d want to date you if you only ever put yourself out there.”

“Again— _quite_ an imagination.”

The girl reaches out to put her hand on his shoulder, and it startles him enough to make him jerk the steering wheel and nearly run them out of their lane. Claire is not exactly the type to willingly _touch_ anyone, unless she’s looking to punch them, so the fact that she wanted to lay a reassuring hand on Cas is more than surprising. Claire quickly pulls her hand away as the car straightens back out. “Woah, sorry—are you nervous or something?”

Castiel clears his throat and then smiles weakly, staring up the road as his hotel starts to come into view. “No, no. Just lost in thought I guess.”

“And nervous” Claire laughs.

“Yes, _alright_. I may be _a little_ nervous.” He gives her a weak smile as he turns his focus back to traffic.

But once again, Claire reaches out to give Cas’s arm a soft squeeze, and the man thinks he might just melt with how genuine it is. “Seriously, Cas. You are a good looking, super successful, well-off single guy. If this dude is as smart as you say he is, he won’t be upset about seeing you again.”

He hopes she’s right, but as he turns to pull into the hotel’s parking lot, his nervous stomach is making him doubt every word.

***

The plan was—he’d head into the hotel’s restaurant during the breakfast rush, pretending like he’s doing a routine inspection of things. The restaurant staff shouldn’t think anything of it, that is—as long as he doesn’t have to hang around for too long. Unlike the Wellness Center that would barely know what Castiel looked like if not for the monthly staff meeting, the restaurant sees quite a bit of him. He’s always needing to approve menu changes and go over supply orders. And it isn’t abnormal for him to pop in at random just to check on things or to grab lunch since it’s just mere feet from his office door; but those impromptu visits usually take him fifteen minutes at most since his staff is top notch and knows how to keep things clean and running smoothly. Since this is a _fake_ check in, however, Cas will have to draw things out a little longer than usual until Dean gets there. Then, just as he’s about to leave, he will make his way by Dean’s table and just “happen” to notice him. It’s simple enough in theory, but Cas knows that if there’s anyone on this planet that can make a normal social interaction _awkward_ , it’s him.

_Just take the spa for example._

**“You ready, Cas?”**

Castiel looks at his phone. Claire’s text sets his insides on fire. It’s almost eight in the morning, and if Dean if any sort of creature of habit (which Cas recalls him being to some degree) then he should be getting ready to come in for some breakfast any minute now. Castiel types back **“As I’ll ever be.”**

 **“Good, cuz he’s on his way!”** The girl follows up with about a dozen screaming emoticons, and Castiel resists the urge to dive through the doors to the kitchen and hide.

With a deep breath, Castiel fortifies himself as he looks to the entrance of the restaurant. The glass French doors are open wide and the hostess is waiting behind her small desk, menus already in hand since there has been a steady stream of guests for the last half hour. Castiel bites his lip, knowing that in just a few seconds, Dean Winchester—love of his life, will be walking through those doors right back into it.

“Are you alright, sir?”

Castiel jumps before turning around to see Heather, one of the waitresses standing behind him with a tray holding a pitcher full of orange juice and glasses.

“What? Yes, I—I’m fine.” He quickly glances back over his shoulder to the door but there’s still no sign of Dean.

“Oh, okay. Well, it looked like you were shaking, and you seem really pale. Wasn’t sure if you were feeling well or not.” Heather seems genuinely concerned, and Castiel appreciates it. He’s glad that everyone on his staff seems to have a sincere heart and good conscious. That was always really important to Jimmy. “Their resume may be glowing, Cas; but I want to make sure we hire good people, not just good workers.” It was something he didn’t think much of in the beginning, but after Jimmy passed—the way everyone in the hotel rallied around Castiel, supported him, made him feel like family and picked up all the slack, Cas thinks it was one of the best business decisions Jimmy had ever made.

“No, no. I’m fine, Heather. Thank you. I probably just need to eat something.” It wasn’t a lie. After he and Claire talked about Dean for three hours last night before coming up with this plan, he got so nervous—he threw up everything he had eaten that day; and his stomach was turning far too much this morning for him to have his usual bowl of oatmeal and banana.

“Would you like me to get you something? I know Marty just made a batch of blueberry muffins. They smell amazing.”

Castiel smiles at her, feeling his stomach give a light kick with the thought. “Actually, yes—that would be lovely. Thank you, Heather.”

“Of course, sir. I’ll be right back.” The young girl quickly goes to deliver the juice to its respective table and then turns on her heels and heads back into the kitchen, and Castiel sighs, still smiling even after she’s out of his sight. But then his phone buzzes in his hand, and suddenly—he remembers why he’s here. He quickly looks down at the new text from Claire.

**“He’s not going in! He stopped in the middle of the lobby, looked at his phone for a long time and then went out the front doors!”**

Castiel feels his heart sink to his feet. He had finally worked up the courage to confront the man, but it seems like fate had another idea.

“Here you are, Mr. Novak.” Heather is back, a muffin on a plate in hand and she’s holding it up for Castiel.

He looks over and into her eyes, knowing that he’s frowning now, but he can’t muster a fake smile to save his life. “Oh, yes. Thank you.”

Heather purses her lips, obviously noting the change in his demeanor, but thankfully, she doesn’t ask if he’s okay again. Castiel doesn’t think he’d be able to come up with a lie anyway. After another few seconds, she raises her hand and lightly rubs his arm, making sure that she catches his full attention before she speaks. “Let me know if there’s anything else you need, alright?”

Castiel nods limply as he thanks her once more, hoping that she somehow knows that it’s nothing she’s done to make him so upset. Heather doesn’t seem concerned about that though, and she proves it by walking him out of the restaurant—silent commiseration for the unknown problem, ensuring that he knows no matter what, he’s not alone as he makes his way back to his office. Claire meets them in the middle of the lobby, nodding to Heather, seeming to wordlessly communicate that she’ll take over from here.

He and Claire then shuffle back behind the front desk and into Castiel office, where Claire sits him down in his chair like he’s some broken old man; but he doesn’t fight her because that’s exactly how he feels. Broken, old, and far beyond the good old days he once knew where Dean fell into his sights and arms so easily.

“I’m so sorry, Cas. I don’t know what happened. Maybe we can try again at dinner time. It’s his last night here, so he’ll probably want to eat in.”

But Castiel can only shake his head. “No, Claire. If it was meant to be, then it would have happened. I am not going to stalk the man and try to force things.”

Claire scoffs. “You know, that’s just bullshit.”

Castiel looks up, shocked by her outburst. “Excuse me?” He knows that Claire swears, he’s not _that_ ignorant to the ways of a teenager; but she’s usually pretty good about not doing it in front of him.

The girl doesn’t seem to care however that she’s offended his proper sensibilities. “You heard me. That’s bullshit, Cas! Don’t blame fate or God or _whatever_ when things don’t go your way. Do you know how many times my mom turned my dad down before she finally agreed to go out with him?”

“Of course I do. I was there” Castiel states matter-of-factually.

“I know you were, so _you_ of all people should know that one little setback doesn’t mean shit! _So what_ if Dean put a kink in the plan? That doesn’t mean you should just give up!” Her blue eyes are burning with certainty, and for the first time in a long time, Castiel can see Amelia’s face, alive and bright and glowing in her daughter. The woman was a force of nature, and her confidence and conviction left Jimmy hypnotized from the moment the two met in their dormitory hallway. Jimmy always told Castiel that if she hadn’t rolled her eyes and shoved him out of her way that first day of college, he would’ve never known true happiness. Castiel didn’t get it. It was some kind of craziness he attributed to straight people; but he’s starting to think that it’s all making sense to him now.

Claire sighs, but then she leans in close and hugs him around his shoulders, and Castiel can’t help but lean into her hold and feel better, knowing that no matter what, he’s lucky to have her in his life. “Look, Cas. The fact that you were willing to go along with this plan proves that you don’t want to leave it all to chance. You want to take a risk. Cas—that’s ballsy.”

Castiel can’t help but chuckle. “Ballsy? Why thank you, Claire. Such a dignified compliment.”

The girl pulls away and thwacks him on the arm. “Yeah, it is! So, prove you earned it by not giving up!”

With a raised hand, Castiel finally gives in—nodding at Amelia’s blue eyed mini-me, knowing she’ll make his life hell if he doesn’t agree. “Alright, alright. I’ll think of something else. Now—get back to the front desk. We’ll have guests checking out soon and I want to eat my muffin in peace.”

Claire grins victoriously as she bounces on her toes with excitement. “Yes! Castiel is gonna get some Winchester-tail!”

Castiel narrows his eyes at her. “Will you please get back to work?”

Claire finally nods, but then snatches a bit of his muffin and pops it in her mouth before she starts to head for the door. “Oh, that’s good!” She leans back for more but Castiel yanks it away and snickers at her.

_At this rate, he’ll starve before he ever gets another chance with Dean._

***

**That Afternoon**

***

He moped around his office for another few hours, taking far too long to do things that would normally take him minutes. It was hard for him to keep his mind on anything but what he saw through that cracked spa door. He felt both guilty and extremely turned on while watching Dean—which only made the guilt worse. He is not the type to invade people’s privacy; but Dean always did manage to bring out the riskier side in him. He had never cut a class before he fell for his new roommate; yet, after the first time they kissed inside their dorm room, Castiel couldn’t help but feel like Dean was worth breaking all the rules. They snuck into the food court after hours, they had a particularly hot, albeit _stupid_ night of sex in the Dean’s office … how they didn’t get caught is still a wonder to him; and the fact that it was actually Cas’s idea is a bigger wonder still. But Dean had that magic, that ability to make Castiel feel fun and daring and invincible—someone that others _want_ to be around. Before Dean, Jimmy was Castiel’s only real friend. He liked him for who he was, and he liked him even after Dean made him more bold. Jimmy might have made Cas blindly optimistic at times, but Dean was always the one who made Castiel follow through.

He really wishes that Jimmy was still around. He’d love to talk to him about all this.

After he spent too long wasting time getting next to nothing done in his office, he finally gave in and decided to do his rounds— circling the entire hotel to make sure nothing was amiss. It was rare that anything was, but Castiel enjoyed checking in all the same. It was a nice reminder of everything he and Jimmy had achieved. They had built all this from just a simple idea scribbled in the back of one of Jimmy’s binders, and from there, they grew it into a multi-million-dollar chain; but the money was not what made Castiel proud. If they only had ever opened that first hotel, made a fair living and never brought it any further, he’d be _just_ as content, because they built something solid, something they both believed in one hundred percent, and they did it _together_. When he gets a chance to go up and down to each floor, look over the restaurant, past the Wellness Center and the Gym, down to the pool and gardens, he feels like Jimmy is walking right there with him, and he’s getting to share this pride with his best friend once more.

Castiel smiles as he eventually moves outside, taking in the last part of his rounds, and perhaps—his favorite part. It was his idea to have a garden. It was one of the few creative-trademarks of their chain that he came up with all on his own. Most hotels have a spa, a gym and a pool; but not many have an expansive botanical garden that takes you into another world as soon as you step inside. Cas’s mother had a green thumb and could usually be found nourishing some little sprout into a hearty, full grown plant; and she taught Castiel how to appreciate every leaf and every flower, and their home garden became his safe haven whenever he was stressed about school or some straight boy he inevitably had a crush on but no chance with. As far as he knew, he was the only gay boy in their small town; so, growing up, he often felt quite lonely. Thankfully, he had his mom’s garden and the ladybugs and bees. The sounds, the smells, the whisper of the grass. It all put him at ease, and he thinks today of all days, he needs this garden the most.

He moves his way along the cobblestone path, taking note of all the plants—some local, some exotic, each handpicked by him and him alone. He took special care on mapping out each one’s placement to ensure that no one’s roots could encroach on another. And then he spent a great deal of time in hiring the perfect gardeners to tend to it all, at every location across the country, he’s picked who works in these spaces; and every day that he’s _here_ , he knows he made the right choice because rain or shine, this garden is beautiful.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Novak.”

Castiel squints up from the rose he’s smelling to spot Mr. Hanley walking his way. “Ah, good afternoon to you too, Mr. Hanley.”

The old man smiles. “How’s it all looking, sir?”

“Beautiful, Mr. Hanley. Absolutely beautiful—as always. Great work.”

Mr. Hanley grins even wider as he shakes his head. “Ah, the flowers are doin’ all the work, sir. I just make sure they’re happy.”

“Well, the flowers obviously appreciate you, and so do I.” Castiel smiles before starting to pass by, and he gives the man a soft pat on the shoulder as he does.

“Thank you, Mr. Novak. Best job in the world right here.”

Castiel smiles even brighter as he continues on his way through the garden, feeling a million times better already. “Beautiful” he whispers to himself, looking around one last time before he makes his way out through the ivy arches.

The pool is on the other side of the path leading out of the garden and back up to the side of the hotel, and Castiel pauses a moment to look at all the happy guests splashing around in the water and sunbathing on the terrace. On summer days like this one, the grandiose pool—decked out with slides and diving boards and a swim-up bar and sun shelf, act as a magnet for every single one of his guests. They love it, and Castiel loves it too because the rest of the hotel is beautifully quiet, and he can get more work done than usual … that is, as long as long-lost-loves aren’t also booking rooms here. Castiel sighs as he scans across the water. Kids yell and laugh as they splash around with pool toys, and couples chatter away about their much-needed vacation. A few staff members scurry about, collecting towels and cleaning up abandoned pool toys before someone can trip over them, and every bit of it makes him smile. He is not much for aquatics himself, but Castiel loves seeing how much the guests enjoy this place. _All_ his guests … including, _Dean Winchester_.

Castiel’s mouth falls open when he sees him lying on a chaise lounge, shirtless and glistening in the sun. He’s wearing sunglasses and purple plaid swim trunks. He looks good enough to eat, and Castiel finds himself licking his lips, wanting so badly to taste that man again—wondering if he’ll taste the same as he did all those years ago, or if he’s even sweeter now. 

The din of his happy guests starts to fade away as he stands there and watches; and after a while, he loses track of just how long he’s been staring, but he knows that it must’ve been a while because when Dean begins to roll over, threatening to catch a glimpse of Castiel gawking at him, Castiel is forced to bolt back into the garden—and when he does, his skin feels hot, like he was standing in the sun for too long. Although, he could just be burning up with embarrassment since he was once again _spying_ on the man. “What is wrong with me?” he grumbles to himself, before finally deciding to go back the way he came instead of walking past the pool to get back into the hotel. “Pull yourself together!”

***

**An Hour Later**

***

He shouldn’t have told Claire that he saw Dean at the pool. If he had only kept his big mouth shut, he wouldn’t be in this mess right now.

_“Just leave a note on his pillow. You know he’s not in his room, so leave a note and let him come to you.”_

It was a seemingly harmless idea at the time, and he knows that if he hadn’t argued with the girl about it, he would’ve been able to pull it off successfully; but instead, he spent twenty minutes debating with Claire, another twenty writing and re-writing the note, and finally another fifteen just mustering up the courage to simply open Dean’s hotel room door. If he was actually as “ballsy” as Claire had said, he would have been in and out in a quarter of that time—and then _who knows_ , Dean could be getting ready to go meet up with him right now instead of turning on the shower to leisurely wash away the thick scent of chlorine that Cas can smell though this thin closet door.

He clutches the would-be note in one hand with the extra chocolates in his other, feeling them begin to give with the heat of his palm, so he gently puts them onto the shelf above his head. Then, he quietly pockets the note and sighs—closing his eyes as he listens to the sound of the running shower as Dean putters around just outside the bathroom.

“C’mon… heat up” he hears Dean say, figuring the man is talking about the water; and it makes Castiel recall that Dean didn’t take anything less than a thousand-degree shower. And after that one time he was nearly boiled alive, he told Dean that they would never shower together again. Castiel didn’t stick to that though—and now, nearly twenty years later, he has the urge to join him once more; because being boiled alive next to a sweet, sexy man is far better than dying alone and horny in a closet.

“Okay, this is definitely going in the negatives.”

Castiel scrunches up his nose at that, not entirely sure what Dean means by it—but he makes a mental note to have maintenance check up on the hot water heater … that is, if he ever manages to get out of here.

A knock on the front door makes him jump; and judging by the shadow that he can see peeking from beneath the edge of the closet, it makes Dean jump as well.

Dean growls with frustration, and once again, his voice sends a shiver up Castiel’s spine. “Who is it?” Dean hollers, obviously not wanting to open the door because he is probably naked right now. _That_ sends another shiver across Castiel’s entire body.

But a new kind of shock greets him when a familiar, muffled voice answers the man’s question. “ _Um_ , yeah … sorry, Mr. Winchester, but I’m gonna need you to open the door.”

Dean growls again. “Can this wait? I’m about to get in the shower.”

Claire takes a moment, and Castiel begins to fish in his pocket for his phone—hoping that he can quietly insist that Claire goes away before this gets any worse; but he doesn’t get to it fast enough. “Sorry—but no. You need to open the door right now.”

“ _What is she doing_?” Castiel rasps, wanting to scream but he knows that it won’t help anyone— _especially him_. He hears the man on the other side of the closet grumble about how ridiculous this is before the sounds of the shower turning off and a towel getting ripped from the towel bar meet Cas’s ears. He can just picture the man now—shirtless, nothing but the towel keeping him decent, grumpily going to open the door to see Castiel’s unsuspecting, yet, devious adopted daughter waiting on the other side. He could practically faint with insanity of it all.

The front door clicks open, and he can hear Dean stutter a bit, most likely because he wasn’t expecting to see the young girl from the front desk standing out in that hallway. “Yes?” he says, “can I help you?”

Once again, Cas listens as Claire pauses, and he desperately tries to figure out her game plan. “Are you alone?” she asks after another beat.

“ _Uhhh_ ” Dean drones, sounding skeptical. “ _Yeees_ … why?”

“You sure?” she presses, and suddenly, her voice sounds just a tiny bit closer.

“ _Claire, stop_ ” Castiel pleads without making a sound.

“Look, little girl … I don’t know what you’re expecting to happen here, but you’re _waaay_ too young and way too _female_ for my taste.”

_Castiel thinks he might be having a stroke._

“What?” Claire squawks, “Ew! _No!_ I’m not here to hit on you, ya old perv!”

_Castiel is definitely having a stroke now._

Dean scoffs. “Hey! _You’re_ the one comin’ to _my_ room askin’ me if I’m alone while practically forcing yourself inside! What the hell am I supposed to think?”

Castiel can all but see Claire rolling her eyes at the man. “Not _that!_ ”

“Fine! Whatever—then, what the hell do you want?” Dean snips, sounding about at the end of his rope.

“I wanted to see if my adopted dad was in here.”

_That’s it … Castiel is dying._

“You’re adopted— _what?_ Why would your adopted dad be in _my_ hotel room?”

“Because …” Claire says, taking a nice long moment to really stretch out the drama. She’s enjoying this— _Cas can feel it_ , “my adopted dad owns this hotel.”

“He … _wait …_ ”

“Uh huh” Claire says, an obvious glee to her voice.

“Your adopted dad is …”

“The one and only.” Claire sounds practically giddy now, and Castiel considers extending her grounding _well_ into her twenties.

“ _Castiel Novak_?” Dean says his name with such a sweet reverence, Castiel can barely breathe.

“Yup—that’s the guy, and he _was_ in your room just a bit ago. You see, he was going to put a note on your pillow, plus some extra chocolates—which _I_ thought was cheesy, but he said you have a big sweet tooth so _whatever_ , he’s kind of a sap that way … but, _you knew that_ … _anyway…_ ” the girl’s voice eventually grows, until Castiel can now see _her_ shadow just in front of the closet, meaning she must have sauntered into the room past a more than likely, stupefied-Dean; and now she’s just standing there, monologuing the whole embarrassing story, acting more like Amelia than Cas could ever think possible. Head strong, controlling, and willing to do just about anything, no matter how crazy, if it means helping someone she loves. “I know that Cas came in here like literal _seconds_ before you did … the dude always did have crap-timing, so I’m just wondering how he got outta here without you seeing him. _Unless_ …”

“ _Claire … no … don’t …don’t do it …_ ”

The closet door slides open.

“Hiya, Cas!” Claire chirps, grinning from ear to ear before slowly stepping aside to let Dean inch in and take a look.

“… _Castiel?_ ” he whispers, gorgeous green eyes wide with surprise—and _something else,_ but Castiel can’t figure out what, nor does he have time to.

“H-hi, Dean.”

“You’re in my closet.”

“Yes. Yes I am.”

“You’re hiding in my closet.”

“Yes.”

“ _Why_ are you hiding in my closet?”

Castiel gulps, eyes now dancing between Dean and Claire—suddenly wishing she’d start talking again. Words seem to come much more easily to her. “I … _uh_ …”

“I’m guessing he wasn’t expecting you to walk in when you did, so instead of explaining why he was in your room, he decided to just hide in your closet instead. Is that right, Cas?” Claire asks, blinking innocently enough, but he can see the wickedness behind her eyes.

 _Evil child_. But he can’t do anything but nod.

“ _Mhm_ … yeah. I had a feeling that something _dumb_ like that was gonna happen, which is why I knocked on your door. When I saw you walk through the lobby right after he went into your room, I knew it wouldn’t end well.”

“It might have! I could’ve snuck out once he was in the shower!” Castiel finally snaps, unable to handle the mess of this situation any longer.

“Oh, _bull!_ You woulda hid in here until he checked out in the morning!” Claire snaps back.

“That’s simply not true!”

“I bet it is!”

“Guys! Woah—hey, hold on a God damn second, will ya?” Dean cuts in, physically stepping between the two of them. His words were probably enough to quiet Claire, but the new closeness of his half naked body makes Castiel practically swallow his own tongue. “Now, _look_ —this is all insane, okay? From _you_ hiding out in my room …” he gives a quick nod towards Castiel who’s still cowering in front of the closet, “to _you_ , barging on in here and exposing him! Why didn’t either of you just say something earlier? You coulda met me in the lobby, or called my extension or something. Why pull all this crap?”

“Well— _I’m young_ , and to be fair, all those ideas sound really boring. _This_ is way more fun” Claire snickers, still giving Cas a peek at the evil in her eyes.

“ _Uh huh_ —fair enough. You got the _oblivious-teen_ thing goin’ for ya …”

“ _Hey!_ ” Claire counters, but Dean just ignores her as he turns back to Castiel.

“That’s _her_ excuse, so what’s yours?” He eyes Castiel, daring him to come up with anything close to a justifiable explanation, and Castiel knows that he’ll fail to find one. But he’ll be damned if he’ll fail in front of Claire.

“Claire, would you excuse us please?” Castiel says finally, steeling himself as he stands up straighter to tower over the girl.

“But …”

“ _Now_ , Claire.” Cas growls.

The girl whines as she slumps towards the door. “Fiiinnne! Whatever, you two have fun makin’ out.”

“ _Goodbye_ , _Claire_ ” Castiel urges, and his daughter finally leaves, tugging the front door behind her so it makes a louder than usual _slam_. Castiel flinches, but Dean doesn’t move an inch—he simply continues to stare at Castiel, seeming both frustrated and bewildered all at once. “I’m sorry about her—and, well … about everything. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“So, what _did you mean_ then?” Dean asks, his voice deep and quiet.

Castiel swallows thickly, finally hazarding to move out from the closet so he can stand in front of the man properly, “I—I’m not sure exactly. I know I wanted to see you again.”

“Then why didn’t you just call my room, or knock on my door—or _something_ at least relatively normal?”

Castiel sighs, feeling very exhausted all of a sudden, so he steps back a few paces and takes a seat on the bed. Dean moves with him, but only close enough so that he can lean against the corner of the closet wall, arms folded as he stares down at Castiel. He looks beautiful like that. The muscles in his arm round against his chest, and the soft line of hair trailing down beneath his towel is doing everything it can to distract Castiel from explaining himself. He clears his throat, finally forcing his gaze back up to look Dean in the eyes—but those are no less hypnotizing than the rest of him. “I—I don’t know. I’m sorry, Dean. I _did_ wait for you in the restaurant this morning. I thought that you’d surely come in and have breakfast, but Claire saw you leave out the front doors, so I thought I had missed my chance. I suppose, that drove me a bit crazy.”

“ _A bit?_ ” Dean scoffs.

Castiel can’t help but blush. “Alright—it drove me _very_ crazy.” He sighs again, “But you always did have that effect on me, didn’t you?”

“Yeah— _maybe_ ; but it wasn’t enough for you to stick around” Dean says, sounding just as hurt now as he did all those years ago.

Castiel feels himself break, and soon, he’s standing up again, hazarding to step closer. “Dean, I _am_ sorry. I thought I needed to be free in order to do all this” he gestures around them to the luxurious hotel room. “I didn’t think I’d be able to achieve it all if you were around … _distracting_ me.”

Dean scoffs again, folding his arms tighter around himself. “I didn’t realize I was such a _threat_ to your future.”

Castiel moves in even closer, wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch the man, pull him in and hold him like he used to; but he knows he already crossed so many lines here— _that_ would be taking it all too far. “You weren’t. I thought you were—or more, that’s the excuse I told myself; but really, I was just scared. We were getting so serious so quickly … I wasn’t like Jimmy. The moment he met Amelia, he knew he wanted to marry her. The moment I met you, I knew that I had never felt that way about anyone, and growing up, I never thought I would _get to_ feel that way about anyone. I wasn’t used to being so wrong; so, when I found myself loving you, I thought it had to be a mistake. It didn’t make sense that I could be that happy.”

“That sounds really stupid, Cas” Dean huffs, and Castiel can’t help but agree.

“It was stupid. I was a stupid child; but Jimmy showed me over time that it was possible to have it all. He had Amelia, and then they had Claire—”

“Claire? Like—the girl that was just in here?” Dean asks, sounding very confused all of a sudden.

“Uh—yes. The very same.”

“But …” Dean’s face is puzzling around another question. “She said that _you_ were her adopted dad. Why would she be with you … _unless_ …” his face sobers. “Oh … oh, God. What happened to Jimmy and Amelia?”

Castiel is stunned at first. He’s used to everyone in his world knowing about this; but then again, his world is this hotel, and practically everyone here knew Jimmy and Amelia like they were family; and they were just as shattered as Castiel was when they passed away; but of course, Dean wouldn’t know any of that. He may have kept some tabs on Castiel over the years, but it’s not likely that he would know _everything._ Castiel feels that worn-in sadness wrack through him once again, the same way it always does every time he recalls what happened to two of the most important people in his life. “Amelia died about ten years ago. She had breast cancer—it was caught too late. And then Jimmy died in a car accident two years ago. I was Claire’s godfather, so I adopted her not long after Jimmy’s funeral.”

Dean drops his arms to his side as he slumps against the wall, looking knocked back and bowled over by the news. “Fuck—they’re …? _No!_ They were some of the best people I’ve ever met!”

“I know” Castiel sighs. “I’m sorry that you had to find out this way. I know … well, I know _now_ at least, that you and Jimmy were close at one time.”

“I was close with Amelia too; but … after _we_ broke up, you sorta won them in the divorce.”

Castiel hangs his head, unsure of how to react to that. “I’m sorry” is all he can manage.

Dean gives him a small shrug. “They were your friends first, so I mean—I get it.”

“I didn’t know that you were friends with them. I mean, I didn’t … not until Claire mentioned it. If I had known, I would’ve told them I didn’t mind if they stayed in touch with you.”

Dean looks confused again. “ _Claire_ mentioned it?”

“She _uh_ —she heard a lot of stories about the two of us from her dad.”

Dean exhales slowly and then nods.

“So, it wasn’t until you checked in and Claire recognized your name, and we began talking about it, that I found out that you and Jimmy spent time together without me. And I had no idea that you were friends with Amelia until you said something just now. How did you meet her?”

“How else?” Dean says flatly, “Jimmy introduced us.”

Now it’s Cas’s turn to nod.

And then, Dean surprises him with a soft smile. “You know, I was the one who finally convinced her to go out with him.”

“What?” Castiel says, feeling like that can’t be true.

Dean chuckles before finally peeling away from the wall to go sit on the edge of the bed where Cas once was. “Jimmy and I had just gotten to the pool hall—you know, the one with the crappy beer that you never finished.”

Castiel’s face breaks with a grin, “You were always more than willing to finish it for me.”

“Hey, beer is beer. I wasn’t gonna let it go to waste. Not in my college days at least.”

“Oh? Are your tastes more refined now?” Castiel asks, a playful tick in his voice.

“Matter of fact, they are.”

The response isn’t nearly as playful, and Cas sags a little with Dean’s tone, wondering if that was a dig at him _._

“Anyway, Jimmy and I were there while you were at your Life Drawing class—”

“I can’t believe you remember what class it was” Castiel blurts, honestly amazed, because Dean had a notoriously _bad_ memory back in the day—at least when it came to rememberingt to attend his own classes.

The man shifts a little on the edge of the bed, staring across the carpet to the wall on the other side, seeming rather lost in his own thoughts. “Yeah, well … you were always trying to draw me naked because of that damn class, so it kinda stuck in my mind.”

Castiel bites his lip, looking Dean over as he sits there half naked now. “Can you blame me?” he says a moment later without thinking.

Dean spits out a laugh as he finally turns to meet Cas’s eyes. “Yeah— _kinda_. You were a terrible artist, dude.”

Castiel laughs as well, eventually leaning against the wall by the end of the bed, happy that things feel just a little less tense now. “True. I never could get your eyes right.”

“ _My eyes_ , or my chin, or my nose, or my body. My dick though ... _t_ _hat_ you always managed to get down perfectly.” Dean glances at him, and Castiel can see it, that flirty glint that always knocked him off his feet when they were younger.

“You only think that because I had a habit of drawing it disproportionately _large_.”

“Seemed accurate to me.”

Castiel smirks as he rolls his eyes, and Dean snickers back—and then they’re both silent for some time, but it’s comfortable, and Cas is grateful for it. “Sorry,” he finally breaks in, causing Dean’s ears to perk up, “I interrupted your story.”

“ _Hmm?_ Oh, right—” Dean sits up straighter and tightens the towel around himself, “well, Jimmy and I were at the bar and Amelia came over; which wasn’t too unusual. We had all hung out together several times at that point, but they were still _just friends_ , not for Jimmy’s lack of trying though.”

Castiel chuckles and nods.

“So, Jimmy already had like two beers, and since he is … _was_ ” Dean frowns, “since he _was_ such a lightweight, he started babbling as soon as Amelia sat down, saying that she’s already wasted two years of college avoiding him, so she shouldn’t waste two more.”

“He was a regular poet” Castiel laughs, suddenly missing his best friend so much, he fears might start welling up.

“Yeah, well—as usual, Amelia turned him down; but then I—” Dean stops, as if he’s suddenly unsure about telling the rest of this story.

“But then you, _what_?” Castiel asks, leaning forward a little, wanting Dean to know that he has his full attention.

Dean looks down to where the towel is covering his knees, and he starts to pick at the terrycloth, sighing while looking rather uncomfortable.

“ _Dean?_ ”

“You and I had been dating for almost a year at that point … so … I told Amelia … I said, that if she would go on _one_ date with Jimmy…” he holds his breath and closes his eyes, finally exhaling the last of his words, “I’d propose.”

Castiel’s heart stills and his lungs freeze. He’s not sure when all the air got sucked out of the room, but suddenly he’s on the verge of losing consciousness.

Dean gives him a quick glance, seeming not at all surprised by just how surprised Castiel is. “Yeah. Guess it worked out for one of us.”

“I … you would … she never … why didn’t she …?” Castiel’s mind is racing and he knows he has no chance in catching up with it.

“Why didn’t she tell you?” Dean is obviously faster than he is. “I’m guessing it’s because you dumped me a few days later. She probably thought that the next time you brought me up, you’d be telling her you were engaged, not newly single. Why would she tell you after that? It would’ve just made it worse for everyone.”

Castiel has to take a long moment for it all to sink in, but eventually, he closes his eyes and nods—knowing that Dean is right. Amelia would’ve never mentioned Dean’s plans to propose after they broke up, because she knew how much it would hurt him _and_ Dean.

Dean sighs, and it makes Castiel open up again, just in time to watch the man stand. “Look, Cas. I honestly don’t know what you expect me to do here. I mean, have I dreamed about runnin’ into you again? _Yeah_ , I have. Especially when my boss informed me that this was one of your hotels, I—”

“Your boss?” Castiel pulls away from the wall to hover closer to Dean, unaware of the pull but loving the draw.

Dean takes a moment, but then lifts his chin—appearing to realize that he needs to explain. “Oh—yeah. I’m a travel critic.”

“You’re a … _really?_ ” Castiel doesn’t intend to sound so astonished, but writing anything over a paragraph used to drive Dean to drink.

Dean snorts, but he seems to understand Castiel’s disbelief. “Yeah—turns out, I’m pretty good at writing down all my snarky opinions in a way that people want to read.”

“Yes, you have always been very colorfully opinionated” Castiel states, reminding himself of all the waiters he’s had to apologize to on Dean’s behalf.

“Yeah, well. It pays the bills now.” Dean begins to walk past Castiel, but then he pauses, looking over to him when they’re shoulder to shoulder. “You honestly didn’t know?”

Castiel meets his gaze, shuttering with the new closeness—breathing in that fading chlorine, hint of sweat and scent of sun tan oil all mixing together deliciously on Dean’s skin. “No. I didn’t know that … I—I’m sorry?”

Dean shakes his head. “No, I mean—it’s no big deal; I just thought that’s why I got the complimentary spa package. Whenever hotels find out I’m a critic, usually they shower me with free stuff.”

“That explains why you didn’t question it” Castiel says, feeling like some things are finally clicking into place. “Is that why you didn’t eat in the restaurant again this morning? You only went in before to write a review?”

“What? _Nah_ , man. I _wanted_ to go in this morning, but right when I was about walk inside, I saw a text from my boss saying that there were some things at the office he needed my input on.”

Castiel halts a nod. “Oh—so your office is close by?”

Dean snorts humorously, obviously detecting the hope in Cas’s voice. “Yeah. I actually _live_ nearby. I normally critique exotic locations, international resorts and lodges; but my boss wanted a ‘Close to Home’ piece for all the day-trippers, so he suggested I start in-town. So, that’s why I’m here.”

“ _And_ …” Castiel mutters, dropping his gaze back to the ground, “are you enjoying your stay?” He listens as Dean laughs a little harder, but he’s too afraid to look up again.

“Well—it’s been _interesting_. The spa was nice, the restaurant rocks, and the pool is pretty relaxing.” Dean’s voice trails, and Castiel can’t take it anymore—he peeks back at the man, wanting to see something there: _hope, happiness,_ _something more._ The dimples in Dean’s cheeks give him all that and then some. “But I gotta admit, you offer some really strange perks.”

Confused, Castiel furrows his brow.

“I mean …” the man continues, taking one, short gliding step into Castiel’s space, causing their bodies to graze, “not every hotel provides its guests with their very own closeted gay man.”

“I’m not clos— _oh_ ” Castiel feels his cheeks redden and his body heats up as Dean’s own nudges closer; but he takes the chance and moves in as well, watching Dean’s gaze travel down his nose to rest on his mouth, and he finds himself wondering what kind of review the man would write if his eyes just stayed on him a little longer.

“ _Cas_ ...” Dean whispers, still watching Castiel’s lips as he licks his own, “I don’t know what you want from me. I mean, I can’t lie—I think about you all the time. I’ve had a few boyfriends here and there, a few flings, but none of them made me feel the way you did; but … you _wrecked_ _me_ , man. I was ready to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me, and you just tossed me aside.”

Castiel lowers his head, shame and regret weighing him down—but it also pulls him down into Dean. Unable to resist anymore, he reaches out and touches him, placing shaky fingers on the man’s bare arm to pull him in. “It was the most foolish thing I’ve ever done” Castiel breathes, eventually leaning forward to rest his forehead against Dean’s shoulder—feeling as if he’s about to pray, feeling as if he _needs_ to, pray to Dean, pray for his forgiveness.

A gentle hand comes up to the base of Castiel’s neck before running through his hair, and soon, Dean is wrapping him in his arms and hugging him close. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to fix me or wreck me all over again” he shutters, squeezing Castiel tighter—seeming as if he’s saying a silent prayer of his own.

Castiel knots his arms around the man and holds him just as tight, feeling like twenty years of weight is finally starting to fall away. “I never wanted to hurt you, Dean. I didn’t know what I wanted back then, but I know it wasn’t _that_.”

“So, what do you want _now?_ ” Dean asks, eventually loosening his grip enough to lean back and look Castiel in the eye.

Castiel’s heart beats heavy in his chest, but for the first time all weekend, it’s beating with conviction. “I want to make it up to you—to try again.”

Dean exhales, face frozen—eyes locked on Castiel, seeming as if he’s waiting for it to all fall apart. “I—I don’t know if I can do this again, Cas.”

Castiel swallows thickly, understanding Dean’s hesitation, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less—although, he figures he deserves a little hurt after all that he’s caused. “But … do you _want_ to?”

The man in his arms glances away while biting his lip—inevitably weighing the pros and cons of each possible answer, and Castiel feels his insides begin to melt as he waits. He didn’t know how much he wanted this, missed this, _needed this_ — _needed Dean_ to want him until this very moment. Seeing him again in the lobby the other day reignited the spark, but touching him now set Castiel entire body ablaze, and he would rather wait here forever and turn to ash than have Dean tell him there’s no hope and douse out his flames. There would be no returning to normal if he has to leave this room and leave Dean behind once and for all. Life as he knew it, that comfortable little routine he lived day in and day out for years—with work and Claire and a quiet home and an empty bed, would all become torturous. He was numb to most of it, used to most of it, and he ignored the ache of loneliness that crept in every now and then and threatened to pull his attention away from Claire, pull him into himself and down into the dark. He was very good at ignoring everything except for work and that lovely girl in his charge; but Dean could easily shroud him in that darkness now, and if he does, Castiel fears he might never come out of it.

Dean comes back to face him “ _I shouldn’t_ … but you’re all I’ve wanted for twenty years.”

It was explosive. The sheer impact of Dean’s words caused the two of them to come together with such force, Castiel wondered later if it had knocked him out, because the next thing he knew, they were on the bed, and the towel that was once covering Dean up was now on the floor—and the entire glorious expanse of the man was now on top of him, kissing him slow while working quickly to make Castiel just as bare as he was.

“God, you look so good” Dean moans while pulling off Castiel’s shirt.

Cas is pretty sure Dean popped off a few of the buttons in doing so, but he really doesn’t care about that right now. “I thought the same about you…” he rears up, working hard to unbutton his slacks, “from the moment I saw you standing at the front desk—and then later on in the spa.”

Dean is helping him with his pants, but then pauses. “Wait—when did you see me in the spa?”

Castiel chokes on his gasping breath, feeling his cheeks start to burn again, “ _Uh_ …”

“Wait, all that racket I heard after my massage … was that _you?_ ”

“ _Um_ …”

“Were you spying on me?” Now Dean is the one rearing up, matching Castiel in height but overpowering him in every other way.

“I—I—”

“You’re just as dirty as ever” Dean purrs, immediately yanking Cas’s pants down—briefs and all and exposing his naked skin to the room. “Did you like what you saw, Castiel? Did it make you hard spying on me like that?” He wraps his fingers around Castiel’s shaft and begins to stroke.

A guttural moan crawls up his throat, and he thinks he might just drown in this feeling. “I l-loved it.”

Dean hums dryly, speeding up the strokes as he grazes a kiss across Cas’s lips. “Yeah? You loved seeing me all naked and oiled up?”

“Y-yes” Castiel closes his eyes, panting and writhing against Dean’s touch, “I wanted to t-take you right there on the table.” Dean’s firm chest presses against his own, and he can tell that Dean is breathing just as hard as he is.

“ _Fuck_ —I wish you had. I wish you had busted in there and bent me over” Dean growls, thrusting his cock forward until it’s pressing into Cas’s hip. “I never forgot how it felt be taken by you.”

Castiel can’t help but growl, feeling that same hunger he used to feel every night in their dorm room. It rises up and consumes him once again. He grabs a hold of Dean’s shoulders and whips him around, throwing him down onto the bed before climbing on top of him. “If you want me to take you, Dean—I will.”

Dean’s eyes are wide and his chest is heaving—lips parted as his tongue presses against the back of his teeth. He nods, but that isn’t enough for Castiel.

“ _Say it, Dean_.”

The command makes Dean breathe even harder, and Castiel can see the way it makes the man’s cock twitch. “I want you to take me, Cas” Dean rasps, low and ravished, and just as hungry as Castiel. “ _No mercy,_ just like you used to.”

Castiel inhales deep, raising an eyebrow as he steadies himself— _this_ , for whatever reason, was always the moment where he found his composure. At any other point in life he could be anxious, worried, second guessing his every move—but the second Dean Winchester relinquished control, Castiel found his own, and it would seem that even after all this time, Dean still wants to be ruled. “ _Good boy_ ” he whispers, and Dean’s head lulls back with the praise.

He reaches out to grab Dean’s wrists, pinning them down at his sides before lowering himself, more and more until his lips are hovering just above Dean’s tip. Castiel smiles as he looks up the long line of Dean’s body and into the man’s pleading eyes. “Do you want me to taste you, Dean?”

“ _Yes_ …” Dean gasps, already tensing and twisting in Cas’s hands.

“Yes— _what_?”

“ _Yes, sir_ ”

Castiel grins. “Good—but I think I still need more than that.”

Dean moans, clenching his jaw as his thrusts his hips up a little, but the more eager he is, the more patience it gives Castiel.

“ _Uh uh uh_ … not until you _beg_ me for it.”

“ _Please!_ ” Dean grits out, seeming so wrecked and breathless already, Castiel imagines he’s probably pretty close from the anticipation. “Please, _sir_ —I want to feel your mouth on me … _please!_ ”

Castiel chuckles, delighted with just how much Dean is coming apart. “ _Hm_ —perhaps I will. Have you been responsible? Or should I find a condom?”

Dean unclenches a moment, and Castiel knows that he’s in danger of killing the mood—but Dean did say he had been with other men. “Um—yeah. I get tested every few months. I’m all clear.” He tries to sit up a little but Castiel tugs on his arms to keep him down. Dean glowers at him. “What about you? Are _you_ clean?”

And Castiel has to laugh. He has only been with two men since college, and they were both so long ago, he has a hard time remembering their faces; but of course, Dean wouldn’t know that. He settles. “Yes, Dean. I’m clean … _very_.”

“Well … alright then” Dean says, seeming unsure of where to go from here; but Castiel knows _exactly_ where they’re going and how to get there.

In one smooth drop, he’s sucking the man in—relishing as Dean begins to throb in his throat.

“ _Fuck_!” Dean barks, arching off the mattress as Castiel begins to suck him up and down, flicking his tongue against his tip before lightly dragging his teeth all the way to his base. Dean always did enjoy just a pinch of pain with his cup of pleasure; and Castiel feels like a master chef when it comes to this recipe.

When they were younger—on the cold nights where the campus was quiet save for the dim buzz of studying students, Dean and Cas would take to Castiel’s bed and experiment. Some nights, they’d test out ropes and toys that Dean bought from the sex shop downtown. Other nights, they would role play (which Castiel was admittedly, not very good at—but Dean seemed to be a natural). There were nights that Dean would take the lead; and where Castiel was all fire and brimstone in bed, Dean was soft. He was slow and tender, and praised every bit of Castiel’s body like it was divine. It was in those moments that Castiel knew what it was to be truly cared for by someone who had no obligation to tend to him; and it was in those moments that he knew he was falling in love with Dean. Those moments scared him, so in turn—Castiel created these moments, moments where he could be in control, call all the shots, and only allow Dean to speak when he felt he could handle the sound of his voice. They were always fun and fulfilling in many ways (especially for Dean) but Castiel knew that they were more often than not, a deflection for how he was really feeling. Right now, as he holds Dean down and devours him alive—he knows that he’s still deflecting in a way; but he also knows that to get back on the road they were once on together, they’d have to retrace some old steps.

He makes a few more passes with his tongue before finally popping off, taking a moment to watch Dean settle from the pleasure-spasms Cas was keeping him in. “Are you ready to have me back inside you, Dean?”

Dean moans a little and then nods, still staring up at the ceiling in delirium.

“Very good, because I—”

“Wait …” Dean cuts in, and it surprises Cas enough that it makes him let go and sit straight up to look the man over.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, feeling his stomach drop as all the worst-case scenarios begin to race through his mind. _We moved too fast. He’s had a change of heart … he doesn’t want to try again._

Dean’s eyes are scanning him up and down, and Castiel feels himself shrink more and more with each pass. “Come here” Dean says finally, reaching out for Castiel’s hand.

With some hesitation, Castiel lets their fingers intertwine, and Dean gives him a small tug to draw him over. In a moment, they’re chest to chest—Castiel lying on top of Dean like a blanket, and Dean underneath, seeming pleased to finally be surrounded by his warmth.

“I need to know,” Dean begins, staring Cas dead in the eye without blinking, “that this is going somewhere real.”

Castiel holds his breath, feeling the fragility of this moment on every nerve and he’s terrified to move and wreck it all.

“Castiel … I …” Dean sighs, eventually breaking his gaze to look away at nothing in particular, “I can fall for you in a second. Falling for you is as easy as breathin’ for me; so I need to know that if I do, you’re not gonna just leave again and let me suffocate.”

“Dean … I …”

Dean flicks his eyes back to him, and there’s a certainty there—a confidence that Castiel hasn’t seen before. Maybe the man has cultivated it over the last twenty years; maybe it’s maturity and knowhow manifesting in that glint behind all that green, or maybe it is simply the result of _damage done,_ and Dean had to learn how to stand guard for himself. No matter what it was though, Castiel knows that there is no escaping it now. He might have had Dean within his grasp mere moments ago; but Dean is older, wiser, and he’s learned how to wriggle free and turn the snare back on Castiel. “If there’s a doubt, even the tiniest bit about us or if you think you can’t handle all this, I’m stopping it right now, man. I know myself. I know myself around you. I’m gonna fall hard and I’m gonna fall fast, and I can’t rely on Sammy and my mom to pick up the pieces this time. They got their own things going on.”

He’s ashamed that he’s never thought about it— about what Dean had to do after they broke up. They were already heading into separate dorms for their Junior year, but Castiel did his best to avoid the man beyond that. They were in separate majors, so that helped, but if he saw Dean walking one way, he’d immediately walk the other. He never thought about what the aftermath truly looked like for Dean once he ended things—where the man went and who he confided in. Cas supposes he didn’t want to know, because hearing about it now, imagining Dean crying on his mother’s shoulder, venting to his little brother, showing all the raw pieces of himself to his family so they could try to help him mend, it all makes Castiel want to run simply to spare Dean even the slightest bit more pain. Yet, he has grown too, and he has learned all too well that life is short, but even that brevity can spare a lot of time for loneliness if you let it; and Castiel is through just allowing life to have its way with him. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I’m sorry I was so selfish before, and too scared to acknowledge how I felt … how I _feel_ ; but I wouldn’t be here now if I wasn’t willing to take the risk this time. I’m still scared—scared that at any moment, you could come to your senses and realize that someone like you could do so much better than someone like me…”

“Cas, that’s not—”

Castiel silences Dean with a soft kiss. “Dean, please. I’m the monster who broke your heart, remember?”

Dean smiles and rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t argue.

Castiel smiles back weakly. “The point is. I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but here you are—naked—naked in every way and willing to let me in. I don’t consider myself the smartest man, but I’m not stupid. Yet, I’d be the most idiotic person alive if I were to let you slip away again.” He looks Dean over, mind flashing between the past and the present, wondering just how many moments like this he missed, knowing he won’t let any more to pass him by. “When I saw you again, standing out there in the lobby … when I heard your voice, it was as if someone had framed all of my mistakes, hung them in a museum and locked me inside. I was forced to finally see what I’ve done and how it’s affected my entire life. I was alone, looking back on the smiles you were kind enough to gift me, the love, the happiness. I threw all that away, and for what? My future? My hotels?”

“They are very nice hotels” Dean offers, and it’s sweet that he’s trying to comfort him in spite of it all.

Castiel shakes his head. “Nice or not—this was Jimmy’s dream as well; and I know that he could have been successful with or without me. He was kind enough to bring me along and make his success, _my_ success. He was the best partner I could have ever hoped for, and he would have kept me aligned with our goals no matter what. I didn’t need to be single and single-minded to join him on that journey. I was a fool, and I was lonely for far too long because of it.”

Dean looks him over as he glides his hand up and down Cas’s side, and it’s obvious that he has felt the same way over the years.

“Dean… I don’t know what I did to deserve you walking back into my life; but I promise you, I won’t waste this chance. Seeing you again … there’s not a doubt in my mind, you are it for me.”

The other man doesn’t say a word—he simply smiles and kisses Castiel, softer now, slower, but with a depth that leaves their bodies heavy and melted into the silky sheets.

The sky outside the window has since turned dark. Crickets chirp in the garden outside, filling the warm summer breeze with a comforting trill. It’s peaceful, slowing the two bodies inside the room to an easy pace. Time slows along with them. Their heartbeats temper, their hands still against one another. All the passion and heat from before still remains, but Castiel no longer feels the desire for control. There is no play for power anymore, there is no reason to be armed to the teeth with his own severity. There’s only Dean here, and for the first time—he consciously realizes that Dean won’t hurt him. Castiel realizes that this man that he was been protecting himself from, is the only one who’s ever taken the time to care for his heart. He’s the only person alive who sees Castiel as someone truly lovable, and Castiel can’t help but glow because of it.

He gently leans Dean back onto the bed, lost in the moment and lost in the verdant embrace of Dean’s eyes. The room around them seems to haze out of existence as they begin to move together, fluid and in time. Castiel rises as Dean rises, slows as Dean slows, falls as Dean falls for him again. They’re in tune and balanced, counter acting each other’s weight like scales, justifying all the lost time with the density of all this. And when Castiel presses into him, Dean’s arms wrap around his neck and pull him close, and they rock together—hugging and holding on as if this could be the last time they ever do this; yet, they both know that really, this is only the first. The first of many – the first of _always._

*******

**Two Years Later**

*******

“Castiel is a lot of things. He is kind, he is generous, he is thoughtful and he’s always willing to help. If any of us ever need a day off to deal with our lives, we know we can come to Mr. Novak and he will work with us to get us what we need. He is a wonderful boss, a wonderful man and an amazing friend … but it took _Dean Winchester_ checking into the hotel for me to find out that our wonderful, amazing, generous boss … is also a giant perv.”

The reception hall erupts into laughter as Castiel attempts to hide under the collar of his tux; but Dean is too quick—pulling him into his side and cheering with his fist in the air.

“All the more reason to love him!” Dean shouts a moment later, raising his glass to Magda before she can continue her speech.

She laughs and shrugs, tilting her head once more towards the microphone. “I’m sure it’s great for _you_ , Dean—but you’re not the one who walked in on your boss spying on naked clients!”

“ _Client!_ As in, one singular guest!” Castiel protests, but it only succeeds in building the laughter in the room; and no one is laughing harder than his beautiful daughter, Claire.

“Oh my God! You spied on him in the spa?” the girl spits, face turning red as she doubles over her fancy plate of braised chicken.

Casitel slumps into his seat, slipping out of Dean’s hold entirely and wishing they had opted _against_ speeches back when they first started planning this wedding; but Dean had said it was important that their guests be able to congratulate them on their special day. Castiel suspects now, the man was really just hoping something like _this_ would happen. Dean _loves_ teasing him—and this will be some wonderful fodder for the years to come.

“It’s true! I had just finished with Dean’s massage— _complimentary_ massage, of course. I heard that was thanks to _you_ , Claire” Magda smiles at the young woman sitting to Castiel’s left—and Claire chuckles some more as she nods enthusiastically. Magda laughs. “Well, it was already strange to see the boss down in the spa— since it’s one of the most _efficient_ facilities at the hotel, he really has no need to check in on us.” She laughs louder now as Mika from the restaurant and Miguel from the gym “boo” her playfully and toss their napkins in her direction. All the services like to get into friendly competition with one another—and the spa _is_ usually the leader in their games.

Castiel smiles in spite of his embarrassment—loving how his staff, his friends, his family are all together in this room, all laughing and getting along. His and Jimmy’s hotel has done so much more than make him financially successful … it has given him a life. It has given him love.

“Anyway …” Magda carries on, rolling her eyes at Miguel as he sticks his tongue out at her. “I knew something weird was going on the moment I saw Castiel come into my workroom. He was acting very cagey, very anxious. I thought at first that maybe I had done something wrong … but then he asked about my client… about _Dean_ , and that’s when I realized what was _really_ going on.”

The other guests whoop and cheer, and Dean turns to look Castiel in the eye—grinning so big and beautiful, that it makes this horribly awkward story almost worth it … _almost_. If it wasn’t being told in front of his daughter, that is. Castiel smiles weakly back at him.

“Dean—only an amazing man could make someone as put together as our Mr. Novak, fall apart so completely. Only someone as wonderful as _he_ _is_ , could cause Castiel to do something as insane as spy on you in the spa. I knew at that exact moment, that you had to be really, really special to him—therefore, you are really, really special to all of us. Thank you, Dean for making our boss so happy. He deserves it, and you deserve someone wonderful like him in your life. Cheers to the happy couple!”

“Cheers!” the crowd echoes, all raising their glasses towards the head table.

And Castiel raises his back just before Dean pulls him into a long kiss.

“Alright, alright! That’s enough, you two!”

Sam’s voice breaks them apart, and soon, he’s slapping Dean on the back and hugging him to his hip as he stands up beside him. “You guys can shove your tongues down each other’s throats as much as you want _tonight_ , but spare us the carnage right now, please.”

“Oh shut your mouth, bitch” Dean laughs, tapping Sam dangerously close to his nuts.

His little brother bounces back and glares at him. “Well, I _was_ going to say something nice about you, but maybe I will just embarrass you instead.”

Castiel is the one grinning now. “Yes, Sam. Please do.” He liked Sam the moment he met him. They got along swimmingly; and for all of Dean’s teasing, Sam could bring it right back in tenfold—giving Castiel a nice break whenever they all hung out together; which was quite often these days.

Sam winks at him, and Dean groans. “I remember the day Dean came back home from college to tell our mom that he met someone.”

Mary giggles loudly, obviously knowing where this story is headed. Castiel leans forward eagerly as he glances over to her. She smiles brightly, looking beautiful in a navy dress that Claire helped her pick out. She and Claire had gotten close over the last year, and Castiel is so grateful that she is in their life now. He knows how important it is for Claire to have a strong female presence around, and there is no one stronger than Mary Winchester.

“He walked in the door, looking like the sky was filled with rainbows and puffy clouds that rained beer and pizza—I had never seen him so happy.”

“Aw” Castiel hums, reaching down to squeeze Dean’s hand … but Dean doesn’t notice. He is too busy grimacing and grunting at his brother to shut up.

Sam ignores him—stepping away from the table some more so he’s out of hitting-distance, and carries on. “He was so happy in fact—that he actually started writing _poetry_ …”

Castiel’s mouth falls open and Dean’s head falls into his own hands.

“… and even though it’s his job to write things now” Sam laughs, “he has not always been such a gifted writer. In fact, I think _this_ poetry …” the tall man reaches into his suit pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper, “might’ve been his very first attempts at writing creatively.”

Dean is on his feet in seconds, desperately trying to grab the paper from Sam, but Sam holds it high above his head and just out of reach. “Sammy! _Don’t_!” Dean barks amid the laughs and cries of encouragement coming from the crowd.

Someone yells “Do it!” in thick southern drawl just before yelling at Dean to sit down.

Castiel instantly recognizes Benny’s voice—Dean’s childhood friend and one time hook up. He wasn’t necessarily thrilled that Dean put _him_ on the guestlist, but Dean insisted—saying that their brief fling was just an act of teen-curiosity and raging hormones. He also insisted that Benny was actually straight, but Castiel still holds Dean’s hand a little tighter whenever Benny is around.

“Dean” Mary warns a moment later, and Dean stops his assault on his baby brother and finally sits back down with a huff.

Sam grins victoriously and straightens out his suit jacket. “Anyway—Dean wrote this the day he got home. He was so obsessed with his new college boyfriend that he simply had to put it down on paper, and then he shared it all with our mom. I was there too, but he didn’t know it … he thought I was in my room. Thankfully, I wasn’t., and I heard it all. I also swiped this paper from his desk before he packed up to go back to school.”

“And you _kept_ it?” Dean growls, looking absolutely miserable, yet, adorable, and Castiel can’t help giving him a reassuring kiss on the cheek. Dean leans into it, but he’s still huffing and puffing like a ticked off dragon.

“Of course I did! I saw how in love you were, and I knew—even way back then, that someday I would be standing up at your wedding making a speech, and I simply would not be able to make it without sharing your own words with all our family and friends.”

“You suck” Dean grimaces.

“No—your poetry sucks” Sam laughs. “Speaking of which … it goes something like this…” Sam clears his throat as he unfolds the paper, giving his older brother one last, devious look before he begins.

“ _Castiel_ ,

Your voice makes my heart go fast, and I yell—

out ‘YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL’ and I want us to last.

I’m in hell, when we’re apart, and I fell,

With my whole, red heart. Castiel.

You smell like warmth, and Vanil—

\--la, Castiel.

Castiel.

You’re an angel, my angular jaw.

Castiel. I’m in awe.”

“ _Aww_ ” Castiel laughs, putting his arm around Dean’s shoulder to comfort him; but his miserable husband is devout in his misery now.

“Shut up—I was young and dumb.”

“Young and dumb, and in love with me” Castiel counters happily. “I loved it. I think I’ll ask Sam to frame it for us once this is over.”

“No!” Dean snips, but Castiel knows he’ll win this battle easily, especially since he’ll have literally all the rest of the Winchesters on his side.

The rest of the guests clap and laugh at the end of the poem as Sam waves it above his head in victory.

“I knew the moment I heard Dean read this awful piece of crap, that he was head over heels for this guy right here; and even though I loved knowing that I could hold it over his head for the rest of his life—I loved even more that he was so happy.”

The laughter in the room settles into a pleased hum as Sam finishes up his speech.

“Dean—you have been the best big brother to me. Ever since Dad died, you have taken charge and helped mom raise me into the man I am today. I would be nothing without your support, your strength, and your relentless teasing.” Sam reaches down and ruffles Dean’s hair, and Dean swats his hand away—but it’s not viscous anymore, and Castiel can see the rim of tears building in his husband’s eyes. “I love you, Dean. You deserve all the good you have given me, and so much more … and I know that Castiel can give that to you. So, keep on loving him as much as you did when you wrote this steaming pile of word-vomit; but maybe write it better this time...for all our sakes.”

Dean can’t help but roll his teary eyes as he stands back up to wrap his brother in a tight hug. “I love you too, you giant idiot.”

Sam laughs as he hugs him back.

“Alright, alright—give it up for Dean’s younger brother, Sam” the DJ says into his microphone, turning up the music to add a note of celebration to the round of applause that follows his words. “And I think—we have time for one more speech.”

“I guess that’s me” Claire chimes in, shocking Castiel as he whips around to see the girl stand up beside him. The DJ jogs over to hand her the microphone, which she takes shakily, already turning red as she scans the large room.

Castiel swallows hard, feeling nervous on her behalf. He knows how much she hates being the center of attention, almost as much as he does—so the fact that she’s standing up at all right now, none the less, willing to speak in front of so many people, has him feeling like he might pass out.

“My second Dad—Castiel…” Claire begins quietly, and the rest of the room hushes to hear her. She looks down at the table, obviously trying to compose herself before she continues, “he is one of the best people I have ever known.” Her voice begins to shake, and Castiel feels his throat start to tighten. There is no way he’s going to be able to get through this without crying. “Not only did he take me in after both my parents—” Claire stops, closing her eyes, unable to finish her thought, “but he also made sure that I didn’t go one second without feeling loved and supported. I honestly don’t think I would still be here if it wasn’t for him” Claire says quietly, and Castiel’s heart breaks—his hand come up to cover his mouth to stifle a sob, as the other reaches over to squeeze Claire’s wrist. A tear trickles down the girl’s cheek as she turns to look at him—big, beautiful blue eyes, unblinking as they say everything else that she just can’t bring herself to say out loud; but Castiel hears it all. “I love you, Cas. You have given me such an amazing life, and I could never thank you enough for that—but I knew I had to try, which is why it was so important to me that you and Dean find each other again.” Claire smiles through her tears before finally turning her gaze over to Dean. “And Dean, take care of him as much as he’s taken care of me, okay?”

Castiel glances towards his new husband to see that Dean is crying too, the full waterworks, more so than he and Claire combined, and it warms his heart to no end. Dean nods at her before scooting over to pull Castiel into his chest.

“Good” Claire says with a soft laugh. “And Cas—take care of Dean too. He’s a pretty cool guy … a dorky guy. He tells awful jokes and he thinks he’s a really good singer, but he’s _really_ not. And I know that you hate it when he eats all the food in the house and then tries to blame me for it … but still, he’s a good guy none the less.”

Everyone is laughing again, including Cas and Dean, and soon—they’re both on their feet and wrapping Claire in a hug.

“I love you guys” she says, muffled between the two of them, but for once, she doesn’t seem to mind the affection.

***

“Our Song” by Elton John begins to play, and Dean holds out his hand to Castiel, finally pulling their bodies together as they begin to rock back and forth on the dance floor.

Everyone’s eyes are on them as the muted room fills with the soft melody, but Castiel doesn’t notice—all he can see is the green in Dean’s eyes. All he can feel is Dean’s heart beating against his own. All he can hear is the soft breath and soft words, and soft love that’s filling his ears, all coming from soft lips that he gets to kiss now and forever, from this day on.

“I can’t believe we finally made it here” Dean whispers, nuzzling his cheek against Castiel’s.

“It’s been a long road” Castiel whispers back, eventually pulling his hand out of Dean’s so he can loop his arms around his neck and hold him closer.

“It has—but it’s been a good one.”

“You wouldn’t change anything?” Castiel asks, genuinely curious because he knows that he hasn’t always been a hero in this story.

“Not a thing” Dean says, kissing Castiel on the neck for emphasis. “Everything that happened, all the shit we put each other through … even the heartbreak, it made this moment, right here, even sweeter. I love everything about our life together, Cas. I wouldn’t trade a single second of it.”

Castiel smiles as he closes his eyes, tightening his hold on his husband as the song reaches its peak.

“Would you change anything?” Dean asks, pulling away some so he can look Castiel in the eye.

Castiel looks back—and then around the beautiful reception hall in his hotel. He remembers when it was first being built. He remembers walking through the framed out building with Jimmy. He remembers little Claire, waddling around the big empty space with her uncoordinated baby-feet. He remembers countless events that had been organized here, countless other weddings filled with _other_ _people’s_ love-stories that he never thought he’d get to relate to. Cas remembers looking up at the ceiling of this room the night that Jimmy died, and screaming at the top of his lungs. So much joy and heartache and happiness and tears have been shed in this space. So much wonder and impossibility has transpired here—and _now_ , he’s dancing in the middle of it all, holding the love of his life while being asked if he wanted to change any of it … and he doesn’t know what to say, because— _yes_ , he would change losing Jimmy in a heartbeat if he could. He would bring back Amelia and he would make sure that Claire never lost anyone ever again. He would go back and unbreak Dean’s heart. He would not have been so stupid to let him go in the first place. Castiel would change almost every second if he could, because he knows that he could have been feeling this joy a long time ago if he got a second chance at it; but of course, he knows that isn’t possible. He knows that life doesn’t often give people second chances—so the very fact that Dean walked into his hotel two years ago and back into his life, giving Cas the ability to fix what he had broken, is a miracle in and of itself.

Dean leans forward and kisses him as he waits for his answer, and it makes Castiel smile—because he knows that Dean Winchester, his first love and love of his life … his husband, his _forever_ , will _always_ wait for him, no matter how long it takes.

But Castiel is _done_ wasting time. “No. I wouldn’t change anything that led me to being here with you. I love you, Dean—more than you could ever know.”

Dean smiles and kisses him again, dipping him at the last second just as the song reaches its end.

Their guests cheer, and Sam claps and hoots. Claire laughs and Mary wipes happy tears from her eyes, and the rest of the hotel carries on just as it does every day, just as Jimmy always hoped it would. And if Castiel listens close enough—he can hear his best friend cheering along with everyone else that holds his happiness in their hands, and that is all it takes for his heart to finally feel perfectly whole.

**Author's Note:**

> I had written the majority of this several months ago, but I had waited to release it because I was hoping to have some art to go along with it. It obviously didn't work out that way, but if anyone feel inspired to create some art for this piece, I would be eternally grateful!
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Check out my other fics here: **[(x)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me/works)**
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at [Castiel-Left-His-Mark-On-Me](https://castiel-left-his-mark-on-me.tumblr.com)


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